Thursday, June 11, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Postscript
So, OK, it's been awhile.
As many have noticed (often aloud and in my presence), the blog activity just sorta ended midstream sometime last November. The drop-off in blog entries owes to the following:
As we look back at where we've been we feel tremendous gratitude. We often say to each other: "we're so lucky!". And we're grateful to Providence for making us lucky in this way. When we look ahead to what's to come we feel hope, trepidation, and mostly (again) gratitude for the great gift we've been given in Jesse Nikita and Evelyn Raisa.
Brent's postscript: I remember when my sister became a part of our family. I remember the crisp weather, the bare trees, walking down the sidewalk to get her with my parents and anticipating for her arrival in the waiting area. But she doesn't remember, and I don't remember when I became a part of my parents' life either. Nobody does. None of us remember much of anything before we were two. Things happen to us that help to shape us, no doubt, into the people we are, but those early years are shrouded in mystery. They are the times about which we hear stories from our parents and grandparents that seem almost like myth or folklore. We take it on faith that they are our experiences, and sometimes even create pictures and memories to go along with the stories once they have been told enough times. In my mind, the time of life before I became a big brother, before I was three, is indistinct, warm, and happy. I can't associate a bad feeling with that time any more than I can actually dredge up a clear memory of it.
These reflections on my own past are not just about me, they are about Jesse and Evie too. Like Jess and Evie, my sister and I were adopted--and by parents who loved their children with all their heart. People often seem to think that the experience of those who have been adopted is somehow fundamentally different from those who were not. The funny thing is, when most people consider what they actually remember about where they came from, how they started life, how they came to be a part of their family, they remember about as much as I do, adopted or not. So my point is just this: how you land in the family you are in makes a great deal less difference than what happens after you get there. We're all a part of the family we landed in, and our parents are those people who have loved us, raised us, and share a history with us. And today, at this watershed point in our family's life with the future looming larger than the past, I am more aware than ever how important being a parent really is. These days, Evie and Jesse run around all day grabbing hold (mostly literally) of any and every part of their world they can get their hands on. When they can't lay their hands on something they indicate to Susan and I emphatically that we should give it to them, even if they have no idea what it really is or whether they should have it. God help us to give them the right things, with love, so that they grow in the right ways.
In short, from last November till just last week, life has been something of a whirlwind. Although the winds are whirling still, this last week marked a special turning point--a kind of anniversary--for us as a family and so makes for a perfect opportunity for reflections and conclusions. I've already said something (in my last, and long-over due post, which was begun in Nov. but not completed till just last week) about the way in which Jess and Evelyn's baptism marked the final chapter of our adoption story. This special anniversary post will serve as the postscript.
As many have noticed (often aloud and in my presence), the blog activity just sorta ended midstream sometime last November. The drop-off in blog entries owes to the following:
- My going back work. I returned to work in early November, just after the "big weekend". And that's pretty much when the blogging stopped. Though the transition to my going to work was a bit rocky, it's now working wonderfully. We have a nanny who comes about 20 hours a week (about 11:30-3:30 on weekdays. I leave shortly after she arrives and get home between 5:30-6. Brent, who leaves at the crack of dawn comes home at 3:30. The schedule works well, though it doesn't leave a whole lot of free time for blogging.
- The story coming to a conclusion. I had the sense when I started that last entry about the "big weekend" that our story was drawing to a close. What was needed, therefore, was some time to gather our thoughts in a conclusion-ary kind of way, and then...
- Not finding the time. Once the holiday season hit it was hopeless. Our first Thanksgiving and Christmas with Jess and Evelyn were wonderful, but very busy. For Thanksgiving, we went to West Lafayette to spend the weekend with Jeff, Janice, Ellie, and Lucy. For Christmas, we went completely mad and decided to take the kids (and half of our house stuffed in luggage and in Jeff and Janice's mini-van) to Colorado for two weeks. I won't lie, it was challenging. But it was also pretty great. When we got back, however, I had to get busy and write a paper that I gave at a conference about a week ago. (It was my first deadline since the kids came home!)
As we look back at where we've been we feel tremendous gratitude. We often say to each other: "we're so lucky!". And we're grateful to Providence for making us lucky in this way. When we look ahead to what's to come we feel hope, trepidation, and mostly (again) gratitude for the great gift we've been given in Jesse Nikita and Evelyn Raisa.
Brent's postscript: I remember when my sister became a part of our family. I remember the crisp weather, the bare trees, walking down the sidewalk to get her with my parents and anticipating for her arrival in the waiting area. But she doesn't remember, and I don't remember when I became a part of my parents' life either. Nobody does. None of us remember much of anything before we were two. Things happen to us that help to shape us, no doubt, into the people we are, but those early years are shrouded in mystery. They are the times about which we hear stories from our parents and grandparents that seem almost like myth or folklore. We take it on faith that they are our experiences, and sometimes even create pictures and memories to go along with the stories once they have been told enough times. In my mind, the time of life before I became a big brother, before I was three, is indistinct, warm, and happy. I can't associate a bad feeling with that time any more than I can actually dredge up a clear memory of it.
These reflections on my own past are not just about me, they are about Jesse and Evie too. Like Jess and Evie, my sister and I were adopted--and by parents who loved their children with all their heart. People often seem to think that the experience of those who have been adopted is somehow fundamentally different from those who were not. The funny thing is, when most people consider what they actually remember about where they came from, how they started life, how they came to be a part of their family, they remember about as much as I do, adopted or not. So my point is just this: how you land in the family you are in makes a great deal less difference than what happens after you get there. We're all a part of the family we landed in, and our parents are those people who have loved us, raised us, and share a history with us. And today, at this watershed point in our family's life with the future looming larger than the past, I am more aware than ever how important being a parent really is. These days, Evie and Jesse run around all day grabbing hold (mostly literally) of any and every part of their world they can get their hands on. When they can't lay their hands on something they indicate to Susan and I emphatically that we should give it to them, even if they have no idea what it really is or whether they should have it. God help us to give them the right things, with love, so that they grow in the right ways.
In short, from last November till just last week, life has been something of a whirlwind. Although the winds are whirling still, this last week marked a special turning point--a kind of anniversary--for us as a family and so makes for a perfect opportunity for reflections and conclusions. I've already said something (in my last, and long-over due post, which was begun in Nov. but not completed till just last week) about the way in which Jess and Evelyn's baptism marked the final chapter of our adoption story. This special anniversary post will serve as the postscript.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
The Big Weekend Part III: The End and the Beginning
In many ways, Jesse and Evelyn's baptism brings our adoption story to a conclusion. While we are, of course, looking ahead with hope and anticipation to the unfolding of the rest of the story of our life together, nevertheless, this event seemed to mark our coming full circle--a return to where we started, a homecoming as full and final as any could be.We started this amazing adventure with our family, friends, and our community at Saint John's. And on the day of
Evelyn and Jesse's baptism we were among so many who have made this journey with us. Those who were there to send us off, and there to welcome us back were also present (whether in the flesh or in spirit) on this day and joining with us as we began the lifelong and communal work of bringing these little ones up to know what is is to have life, union, and membership in Christ. (And, by the way, we won't be forgetting that vow that so many undertook to assist us in this business! Given that we're still trying working it all out in our own lives, we can't fathom going it alone...)
And then, finally, there is the way in which their baptism functions not only an sign of a grace already begun in their new lives, but equally, and in ways beyond what I could express here (or, probably, anywhere), a powerful sign of its ongoing presence in mine.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
The Big Weekend II: First Halloween, First Birthday
In honor of Jesse and Evelyn's first birthday and their first Halloween (how cool is it that their birthday is Halloween?!?) we held a little soiree at our house.It was the shortest-lived, most chaotic soiree we've ever put on! I think the whole thing was over in about an hour. We started at around 5:30 and most of our guests were headed home by 6:45! Shocking. Then again, I can't say that it ought to have gone on any longer...I'd say the main lesson from this experience is that toddler birthday parties are not events at which adults hang out, enjoy a drink, and catch up. Funny, this hadn't occurred to me earlier.... Indeed, that Brent and I are novices at this whole birthday party thing is clear from the fact that we had a bunch of wine and beer on hand for the moms and dads to enjoy. HA! As far as I can tell, none (or precious few) of the grown-up beverages on offer were consumed (that is, until we put our kids to bed and sat out on the deck to enjoy them ourselves!).
So, anyhow, the party went like this: there were children and parents, there were costumes, there were decorations, there was food (much of which was prepared several weeks in advance by my mom--thanks, mom, it was delicious!), there was singing and a cake, there was trick-or-treating, and then there was a lot of left over wine and beer. Here's roughly the same story in pictures.
The Children, the Parents, the Costumes
Here we are with our punkins! I went as the mummy of our pumpkins and Brent dressed as a farmer (you know, the one who tends the punkin patch)!
Here's just a sampling of the cute kids and moms, dads (and even grandma!): |
| Baby Harper--so cute! |
 |
| Eric (is he dressed up or did he come straight from work?) and his little monkey. |
 |
| Buzz Lightyear and Lady Liberty! |
 |
| Can you spot the person dressed as a Drosophila? |
 |
| Grammy is a real party animal! |
 |
| Jack O'Lantern mini pizzas. (Thanks to Grandma Linda and our nanny for help cutting these things out!) |
One of the coolest things about being married to a scientist is that he can get dry ice on Halloween!
And then there was (a cupcake) cake.
Perhaps the only thing I actually made all by myself...
Below, I've documented Evie and Jess's reaction to being introduced to cake (or to any form of sweet, for that matter) for the first time.
What is it? Is it for eating?
But it looks yucky...
But it looks yucky...
And feels sticky.
Jess takes a (single, solitary) taste of the cakewhereas Evie--after poking it a few times, decides just to take a pass this time around.
Trick-Or-Treating
These little Jack O' Lanterns were treats for our guests. They were stuffed with candy brought back from Kazakhstan. We brought it in our luggage then froze it. It was a neat idea, but for those of you that left without your treat, frankly, you didn't miss much. For those of you that did take a treat home, I apologize. Please, don't take these to be representative of the way Kazakh sweets taste.
After cake was served, some of the kids went trick or treating around the neighborhood. I stayed home with Jesse and Evelyn (who were helping to hand out treats here), but it looks like it was fun.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
The Big Weekend I : Family
Better late than never right?
It's now been two weeks since The Big Weekend (of Jesse and Evelyn's birthday and baptism), but there is so much to tell, so many pictures to sort through, and so little time (since I'm now back to work). In order to get it done, I've decided to break it into three installments. This is the first. (Obviously.)
One of the most wonderful things about the weekend was getting to spend it with our families and getting to introduce Eves and Jess to them. Indeed, October has turned out to be Meet The Family month. The first weekend of October, Jeff (my bro), Janice, and Ellie, and Lucy came. The very day they left my mom (aka "Memaw") came for two weeks. Then, shortly after my mom left--the Tuesday before Halloween--Linda, Brent's mom (aka "Grammy" or "Grandma") arrived; on the day after that, Wednesday, the Harts--Lisa (Brent's sis), her husband, David, and their girls Allie, and Claire--arrived; on the day after that, Thursday, Nicole (my sis), her daughter, Hannah, and my sister-in-law, Emily arrived! This latter bunch came in to celebrate Halloween (aka the twins' first birthday) and All Saints' Sunday (aka the twins' baptism) with us. It was a busy weekend, but buzzing with lots and lots of fun.
Let me show and tell a little about the weekend with the family (skipping over the Main Events--i.e. the birthday celebration and baptism, which I leave for upcoming posts)
The Hart clan hit it off with the twins too! It was hard to choose just a few pics, but here are some of my favorites.
It's amazing to see Allie and Claire with the kids, amazing to me that they are already such big girls. This is the part that makes living so far away from family difficult--missing so much of that growing up time. This visit really brought that home to me. Although they are turning out to be such lovely people, it made me feel sad that they are already so mature. I made them promise to slow down and not grow up so fast.
Then, there were the Brower gals, who were, likewise, a hit with the kiddos. There's Aunt Em with Eves. And Aunt Nicole and Em with the kids on their first evening in town.
For many years now, I've been pestering my sister, Nicole, to bring Hannah and herself to Saint Louis for a visit. She never made the trip, but then here Jess and Evie show up, and when they issue the very same invitation and she comes within weeks!!! What do you make of that? I guess Brent and I don't have quite the same attraction... You can't really blame her. Jess and Evelyn are pretty irresistible, and I'm perfectly willing to admit that the same can't be said for me and Brent.
Anyhow, it was so so cool to have her and Hannah here. We have such a cute video that shows Hannah in action, playing peek-a-BOO (with a real loud emphasis on the 'BOO' part) with Jess.
Emily sipping her hot cider:
Hannah hard at work.
The final results!
On Friday, (before the b-day party) we went to Cafe Ventana in the morning, and then to the Botanical gardens in the afternoon. I don't actually have any pictures from this day.
On Saturday, during the day, folks had fun at the City Museum:
On Saturday evening, we had our nanny come over to look after the kids while the grownups went for a leisurely dinner at our favorite brewery in downtown St. Louis--the Tap Room.
On Sunday, after the baptism, we spent the afternoon at the Zoo. In keeping with the rest of the weekend it was a gorgeous day, so it was nice to spend it outside. As you'll see, we had a nice time.
Here's all the kids!
Below: Taking a break. (It's so good that even though Andre was not with her, Emily found someone to lean on.)
Silliness:
You can see from this next picture what a strong man David is, I mean, he really knows how to hold his family together.
I love this final picture, everyone is in motion. Kinda captures what the weekend was like.
It was a great weekend! A great month.
It's now been two weeks since The Big Weekend (of Jesse and Evelyn's birthday and baptism), but there is so much to tell, so many pictures to sort through, and so little time (since I'm now back to work). In order to get it done, I've decided to break it into three installments. This is the first. (Obviously.)
One of the most wonderful things about the weekend was getting to spend it with our families and getting to introduce Eves and Jess to them. Indeed, October has turned out to be Meet The Family month. The first weekend of October, Jeff (my bro), Janice, and Ellie, and Lucy came. The very day they left my mom (aka "Memaw") came for two weeks. Then, shortly after my mom left--the Tuesday before Halloween--Linda, Brent's mom (aka "Grammy" or "Grandma") arrived; on the day after that, Wednesday, the Harts--Lisa (Brent's sis), her husband, David, and their girls Allie, and Claire--arrived; on the day after that, Thursday, Nicole (my sis), her daughter, Hannah, and my sister-in-law, Emily arrived! This latter bunch came in to celebrate Halloween (aka the twins' first birthday) and All Saints' Sunday (aka the twins' baptism) with us. It was a busy weekend, but buzzing with lots and lots of fun.
Let me show and tell a little about the weekend with the family (skipping over the Main Events--i.e. the birthday celebration and baptism, which I leave for upcoming posts)
Introductions
Upon arrival, Linda was furnished with two of the best things the Brower-Toland house has to offer: beer and babies. Here she is with Jess just a few minutes after her arrival.
The Hart clan hit it off with the twins too! It was hard to choose just a few pics, but here are some of my favorites.
It's amazing to see Allie and Claire with the kids, amazing to me that they are already such big girls. This is the part that makes living so far away from family difficult--missing so much of that growing up time. This visit really brought that home to me. Although they are turning out to be such lovely people, it made me feel sad that they are already so mature. I made them promise to slow down and not grow up so fast.
Then, there were the Brower gals, who were, likewise, a hit with the kiddos. There's Aunt Em with Eves. And Aunt Nicole and Em with the kids on their first evening in town.
For many years now, I've been pestering my sister, Nicole, to bring Hannah and herself to Saint Louis for a visit. She never made the trip, but then here Jess and Evie show up, and when they issue the very same invitation and she comes within weeks!!! What do you make of that? I guess Brent and I don't have quite the same attraction... You can't really blame her. Jess and Evelyn are pretty irresistible, and I'm perfectly willing to admit that the same can't be said for me and Brent.Anyhow, it was so so cool to have her and Hannah here. We have such a cute video that shows Hannah in action, playing peek-a-BOO (with a real loud emphasis on the 'BOO' part) with Jess.
Activities
On Thursday, we carved pumpkins. We had something of an assembly line going. Brent cut the lids off.
Lisa cleaned the pumpkins out. The rest of us carved.
On Thursday, we carved pumpkins. We had something of an assembly line going. Brent cut the lids off.
Lisa cleaned the pumpkins out. The rest of us carved.
Emily sipping her hot cider: 
Hannah hard at work.
The final results!
On Friday, (before the b-day party) we went to Cafe Ventana in the morning, and then to the Botanical gardens in the afternoon. I don't actually have any pictures from this day.
On Saturday, during the day, folks had fun at the City Museum:
On Saturday evening, we had our nanny come over to look after the kids while the grownups went for a leisurely dinner at our favorite brewery in downtown St. Louis--the Tap Room.
On Sunday, after the baptism, we spent the afternoon at the Zoo. In keeping with the rest of the weekend it was a gorgeous day, so it was nice to spend it outside. As you'll see, we had a nice time.Here's all the kids!
Below: Taking a break. (It's so good that even though Andre was not with her, Emily found someone to lean on.) 
Silliness:
You can see from this next picture what a strong man David is, I mean, he really knows how to hold his family together.
I love this final picture, everyone is in motion. Kinda captures what the weekend was like.
It was a great weekend! A great month.
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